Something Akin to Love

There are times when I truely loathe myself. I don't mean in the angst ridden teen kind of way. I mean I hate myself in the deep down, 'woman-of-the-night'-is-way-too-nice-for-you kind of way. When did it stop being okay to like myself as I am?

I mean to say... I think I like myself most of the time. I am growing in my spirituality, but not really in my religion. I like it that way really. I perfer to have my focus on God than my focus on dogma taught by a man who consistantly browbeat women (Paul, for those of you not in the know).

With all this self-doubt that I feel deep in my core, should I be allowed to love? Should I be allowed to have friends who care so deeply about me? Part of me says 'yes', though I cannot put my finger on the reason why.

I am looking forward to Friday. I get to hang out with Jack and Trey again. It seems like some weeks it is Friday nights with them that I live for. Nothing more is expected out of me than to just be me and have fun while I hang out. They have really brought something to my life here in Tuscaloosa that my out of town friends couldn't. (Though I still love the rest of you, so don't worry.)

Music: My Dying Bride - Like Gods of the Sun
Mood: Melancholy