Emotional Capacity

Many people never even hear this term. I can't seem to go for more than a week without hearing it or thinking of it. Emotional capacity is the ability to differenciate between levels of feelings. Some people will never be able to tell the difference between an infatuation and the love of their life. Time after time, test after test. I am told I have an exteremly high emotional capacity. Apparently I can feel and put a name to more emotions than some people will realize they feel in their entire lifetime.

I consider my compassion a blessing. I love others and ask for nothing in return. They can accept that love or not. They can appriciate that love or not. I give it all the same. If there is one thing that I can hold to in my relationship with God, it is absolute love. Love is a gift. You can only give it freely. You can't put a price on it. I love all of my friends. No matter how mad I get; no matter how betrayed I feel. I can't stop. In a sick twisted way, I continue to love Noah. I love him in a compassionate way, and hope he gets help.

There is a difference in my emotions between loving someone and being 'in love' with someone. I have to make this distinction because I don't know if some people realize that I know the difference. As I've said, I love all my friends. I am in love with Adam.

Now, it isn't every day that you fall in love. I am lucky to have someone who gives so freely of himself to me, both of his time and of himself. He lets me borrow his car so that I can go to college. In letting me borrow it, he risks being late to work every day. He encourages and supports me in everything I do. He offers advice rarely because he understand my need to be an individual within our relationship. He does not have as high an emotional capacity as I do, but he still is very aware of what he feels. Naturally, he is a very stoic person. In a way, he balances my utter exhuberence for life with his laid back maturity.