Confusion

Have you ever felt so confused and isolated that you feel like your entire life is swirling past you? I feel like that right now. I feel like I'm standing still and running towards the edge of a cliff at the same time. I can't remember the last time I've felt such confusion.

Music isn't helping. I think this is the first time in my entire life that music has been unable to lift my spirits. Linkin Park helps a little, but only very temporarily. There is a small part of me that wishes to curl up and lie on the floor in a little ball and stare into space. I am shaken to the core and wish only to try and live my life as a normal human being. Yet, I cannot.

Unfortuanly, I'm not normal. I can't ever be normal. As crazy as this is going to sound, there is something I am supposed to do with my life. I'm not sure what it is, and I'm not sure how to accomplish it. Yet, it nags at my mind constantly, as if I could be making strides to accomplishing it and I'm not. I can only pray that G-d will lead me to where He needs me. He will place me where I should be.

I have a deeply spiritual side, but I'm not terribly religious. Religion has little appeal for me, because I feel that my relationship with G-d should take a back seat to everything else. I'm content to be in deep prayer spending time with G-d. A relationship with G-d doesn't require that I spend hours pouring over rules and regulations. It requires that I spend time getting to know Him. What better way to do that than to read divinly inspired works (like the Bible), and in essence having conversations with G-d.

Maybe that's why I feel so confused and isolated! I haven't been spending enough time in communuion with G-d! That will make me feel better. I think I'll go read something from the bible now.