A Motherly Aside

My mother wants me to buy an anti-theft device for my laptop. Check that, my mother is forcing me to buy an anti-theft device for my laptop. She and my father are paying for it of course, but it still means I have one more thing to add to that list I keep titled '1001 reasons my mother is responsible for my loss of sanity'. I've saving it until my mother finally drives me to a homocidal rage that leaves Tuscaloosa and it's surrounding areas with expressions of horror and disgust.

For those of you who don't know, my mother is the reason I moved out of my parent's home a year early. She is also one of the reasons I moved THREE STATES AWAY! To put it nicely, she drives me nuts. She nags and tells me what to do, but I still love her. It's like one of those sick relationships where you don't know how to get out of it because your still love the person even if they are bad for you. We usually end up fighting once every three or so months. These fights end with me hanging up on her, in tears, because if I talk to her for one more second... all those horrible things I think about her sometimes that I don't really mean will come pouring out, and I refuse to hurt her like that. She doesn't deserve to have me hurt her when she's worked so hard to try to give me a good life, and a good home. It isn't her fault that my brother and I had a rivalry that was only curbed by me moving out. It isn't her fault that she had to go back to work and was rarely there for my middle school years. It definately wasn't her fault I tried so hard to keep all the pain and emotional turmoil from my abuse a secret from my family.

I tried so hard to protect them...

But this isn't about me.

My mother is human. I don't expect her to be a 'super mom'. I expect her to fail. I expect her to make mistakes. I hope that I've learned from some of her mistakes so that I do not make them with my own children someday.

However, that doesn't stop her from doing and saying some things that I think are absolutely nutty. One of her reasons for not helping me with college costs and expenses anymore... She wants to buy land so that in case of 'economic meltdown', our family can live off the land and not starve.

Now, I can understand her wanting to provide for her family in case the economy goes to hell. But if there's a nuclear war and we need to prepare for nuclear winter.... Well, I figure we're screwed anyway. We don't need land to hide on. Land that we will have to pay taxes and upkeep on for the next however many years until whatever happens, happens.

In the mean time, I think it is a wise investment to get myself a higher education. I still haven't given up on the idea that I will get my 4-year in English and a Masters in British Literature. All in hopes that I will be a college professor one day.

Music: Stained - It's Been A While
Mood: Content