Friend

Well, the idea of me being on a schedule by the end of this week has been shot to hell. I woke up at three this afternoon, and will probably not be getting up until around one tomorrow afternoon. And the only reason I'm getting up that early is because I have work tomorrow at two. I need to get back into a normal sleep schedule. I miss sleeping like a normal person.

It may have to wait until I am forced awake at an early hour. Like in the chance that I have an early doctor's appointment, or school, or some other such activity where I can't just come home and sleep more. I'll just spend that day running on caffine, and then go to bed at a normal hour.

I put my body through such hell sometimes.

I feel unrest. One of my friends.... let's call him "Mickey". Mickey confuses me. He's a new friend of mine, but already he is breaking through those walls I have in place to keep myself safe and sane. It's painful actually. It leaves me feeling scared and vulnerable. I feel like he pushes me past emotional limitations I didn't even realize I'd put upon myself. After talking to him, I feel confused. More about myself than him. He's a nice guy, but after we speak, I feel like something important just happened, and I don't know what it is. More often than not, I am the person who controls how much emotional investment I put into a friendship. I feel like I'm not the one in control of that in this friendship. Mickey is just going to have to prove himself trust worthy before I can let him into my life too much more.

Music: Christina Agulera - Beautiful
Mood: Confused, Frightened, and a little Childlike