No More Poetry

I had an episode last night. I prayed for my pain to end. I prayed for everything to end.

I cannot wait for my Paxil dosage to be upped. No one should have to feel like I did last night. It was like a switch had been flipped in my brain, and nothing mattered but the hurt that weighed down on my chest suffocating me.

I felt so alone last night as well. By my own doing of course, I pushed the one friend who would speak to me away and none of my other friends were there. I know he's forgiven me, and for that I'm thankful.

In other news, I'm 'disappointed in' one of my friends for being a selfish [insert mean male-gender type word here]. I hate being told one thing, and then having the person do another. If you want to tell me you'll do something because you think it'll make me feel better, that's fine, just make sure you do it! I have this whole 'trust issue' thing with lying. And when you say you'll talk to me on a certain day, or that you'll do something for me (so I don't have to) and then don't... that makes it a lie. Now, I know I can't hold people to this standard all the time. You have to have some leeway because things happen, things pop up. However, when it happens for like 4 nights in a row... you start losing your 'grace period' with me.

And now, I'm just bitching about this. *sigh* But I feel I have a right to bitch, to a certain extent.

Music: City of Heroes in the background
Mood: Still Depressed