Free Day

A day off! Hooray! I only had to go to school today, and it was only one class at that. Aside from failing a math quiz, I've had a pretty okay day.

I have every Sunday off, and most of the time the manager gives me Monday off so that I have a little weekend. So Sundays are my lazy day. I don't really talk to many people. I try to go to church (though I don't always make it). And I do homework. Lots of homework. I usually intend to clean though, again, I don't always make it.

Mondays are my Errand Day. I have one class from 10 to 11 in the morning, and then I have the rest of the day to run errands, catch up on house work, do homework, do laundry, and all the other hundred things i used to do during the week that I can't do now that I'm working.

Like earlier today... I finally went to the used book store in town and found out what they give in credit and what kinds of books I can bring them for credit. When I go home (right now I'm at the computer lab), I will pick up my room and then go through my books in order to weed all the ones I no longer want out. Then I will catagorize them and then alphabetize them. Yes, yes. I know. My powers of orgi-my-za-tion are astonishing. After I do that, I'll finish up the last details left on preparing for my in-class poetry essay. I realize it is only worth 15 points, but I don't really care for poetry analization, so I need to prepare in order to get an A.

Music: Nine Inch Nails - Closer
Mood: Content

Busy and Crazy

That's about how I'd describe myself these days. School is taking up all the time that I am not sleeping or at work, and work is taking up all the time that I might otherwise being socializing or cleaning or something else equally productive. At least I can do my homework at work, otherwise, I'd be screwed. I'm dropping my Psychology class. I can only really handle 12 credit hours a semester while working, and Psych is the class with the lowest grade right now. I'm having a little trouble in math, but part of that is most likely cause I was bad at first and skipped two classes. I can catch up; it just won't be fun. English is okay. I like writing poetry; I don't like studying it. We have our first in-class essay on this coming Tuesday, and we have our first test on my birthday (February 10th). Theatre is a breeze. I love the theatre. Always have, always will. The only other class I'm taking is a microcomputer applications class. I'm going to do the entire class in about two days once I finally fork up the money to buy the book. It's an independant study, so I don't acutally have to finish the class (or even start it) until April.

Right now I am wasting time while I print out all the notes for my math class. The teacher put all the power point presentations online, so I have to print them out before class so that I can know what is going on. My teacher had the brilliance to do powerpoint presentations, but she leaves the lights on while going over them. I can't see for anything with all those lights on.

I miss talking to all my friends. Especially Jason and Ahmad. I feel like I can't even really take time for myself, much less others. I talk when I can (like a little time at school or on my way to or from work), but other than that... I barely have time to breathe, much less have friends. I bless every one of you for putting up with my crazy schedule. You are angels in the flesh for the simple fact that you still want to talk to me even with all the stuff you seem to have to deal with when it comes to me. I love you all... (Even if Ahmad is the only one who loves me enough to comment here).

Music: None
Mood: Content

Thread

I am stressed but okay. I promise. I really am okay.

A thread at the Swamp (a site that I really enjoy and am a mod at) sent me to the edge of a panic attack tonight. Internet Stalking, sexual harassment by ShifterGS, and a couple of other subjects. In fact, I feel like there is a weight on my chest that is slowly squeezing on my rib cage. I've had Axiety attacks since I was abused. It's a scary feeling. It starts out with my hands shaking and my breathing becoming fast and shallow. Then I feel the need to get to somewhere safe. Usually the only place that I can find that fits that discription is to sit on my bed hugging a teddy bear. Almost always it brings me to tears.

Shifter and I had a "scuffle" in September. He and I were both members at Drifter's site, and I had my AIM screenname posted in my information. Shifter proceeded to harass me for the next hour and a half after he first used my screenname. After repeated attempts to tell him that I didn't appriciate his tactics and comments, I blocked him. I've had multiple internet stalkers, but the one I had this year took the cake. I feel ill thinking of it.

Needless to say, I'm going home to drown my sorrows in chocolate. Lots of chocolate.

Music: None
Mood: Agitated

dun dun DUN

As I was finishing getting ready for class in my truck this morning, I got a call from Kenny, my manager at the arcade. He and I agreed to meet at the arcade at nine tonight to discuss me becoming the assistant manager of the arcade. I don't know how to express in words how happy this makes me. God just seems to bless me more and more everyday.

I have agreed to tutor someone in math. Finite Mathmatics no less. In other words, I will have to learn this stuff, and there will be no slacking for me. She's really nice, and works the night shift at Phifer Wire here in town. I have to admire someone who is willing to work full time, go to school full time, and still wants to be the best mom she can be to her kids. We have alot more real-life wonder women than we give credit for.

Music: None
Mood: Uplifted

AHA!

I have found it! Indeed! The worst dollar store find ever!!

It is a copy of some old Jackie Chan movie (not one of the good ones), dubbed over a Disney Sing-A-Long Songs video tape. In fact, this find of all finds has eaten my VCR. That's right. I no longer have a working VCR. Not that I'm too broken up about it since all my good movies are on DVD except 'Bone Collector'. Hopefully Adam will have enough money left over from this paycheck so that he can buy that DVD/VCR player he's been drooling over. I hope so. I am so tired of not being able to watch DVDs all the way through. See, our current DVD player is a much older model. Apparently it can't handle some of the encoding in several of the newer DVDs, so it skips pretty badly. In fact, there are a couple of movies I own that I still haven't gotten to see the end of because my DVD player won't play them all the way through. 'King Arthur' is one of those movies. Not that I'm saying it's a good movie. It's a historical Jerry Bruchiemer film, so it can't be that good. I just enjoy watching a movie the whole way through before it shuts off.

Music: None
Mood: Meh

Structure

When I can home today with only an hour between when I left school and needed to leave for work, I felt the start of something wonderful. Structure has been added to my life.

I woke up, showered, ate breakfast, and went to my classes. I left after english for my twenty minute drive home. Then I had about forty mins to change into my work uniform before I went in for a six hour shift. All in all, a pretty busy day. However, I loved it. I felt useful. I felt like I knew what I was supposed to be doing. I even had the time to get my insurance people to send me the list of doctors that I had been procrastinating getting.

When they say that people with ADD need structure, they aren't kidding. The only times I really felt distracted were while my english teacher was droning on about attendance policy and when I was at work. And I'm allowed to be zoney at work. It's an arcade for crying out loud. Non-ADD people would get distracted there.

The one blip on my day was that I got hit on constantly at work. By a 30-something guy who was at the mall with his mom, was told that I have a large, bouncer-like, uber-jealous boyfriend (okay, so I lied... he wouldn't take the hint), and still wouldn't leave me alone! He was a paying customer though, and did at least give me like 15 or 20 min breaks between rounds of trying (and failing) to flirt with me.

Well, I think that's enough for tonight. I've got Finite Mathmatics tomorrow. Well, technically today. I shudder at the thought.

Music: Nickelback - Throw Yourself Away
Mood: Pretty Good

Fun Fun

"Borrowed" from SJtheMom

Three Names You Go By: Meredith, Mery, Mer

Three Screennames You Have: SweetestSiren, CodenameSiren, BrokenWolf

Three Things You Like About Yourself: That I haven't seen Red vs. Blue, That my friends find me amusing, That I am less crazy than my cat

Three Things You Dislike About Yourself: I never remember people's names, I work for an arcade, I can only get 8 of my fingernails to consistantly grow to any mentionable length

Three Parts of Your Heritage: Scotland, Ireland, Great Britian

Three Things That Scare You: spiders, flying insects of any kind, being forcably made to watch carebears

Three of Your Everyday Essentials: warm vanilla sugar lotion (bath and body works), a good book (or at least a non-crappy book), clothing (i'm kinda partial to clothing)

Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now: a concert tech crew t-shirt, a pair of green cargo pants, black high heels (no one ever said i used coordinated clothing)

Three of Your Favorite Bands/Artists (at the moment): Maroon 5 (the lead singer is sooooo dreamy), Aerosmith (not the new stuff. the new stuff sucks), and Avril Lavigne (it's whiney psuedo-punk angry pop music. what's not to love while still hating her?)

Three of Your Favorite Songs at Present: Shiver by Maroon 5, Never Again by Nickelback, Waiting On A Hero from Shrek 2

Three New Things You Want to Try in the Next 12 Months: Going to class each day that I am supposed to, not being on more than one medication, smaller jeans (i like SJ's answer about the jeans... MINE!)

Three Things You Want in a Relationship (love is a given): respect, equal treatment, to be treated like a princess... a pretty, pretty princess

Two Truths and a Lie: I have shoulder length hair. I have reddish gold hair. My hair color didn't come out of a box.

Three Physical Things About the Opposite Sex (or same) That Appeal to You: strong shoulders (i have lots of heavy furniture), a sassy mouth (i'll settle for a sarcastic one though), and the ability to make me laugh

Three Things You Just Can't Do: complete a triathalon, join a sorority, clean up vomit that isn't mine or an immediate famliy member's

Three of Your Favorite Hobbies: crocheting, cross stitching, and thinking (yes, it's a hobby. or at least it is with the amount of time that i do it)

Three Things You Want to Do Really Badly Right Now: have a sonic ocean water, read 'driven to distractions', finish reading 'the shadow rising'

Three Careers You're Considering: ex-wife of someone famous and very rich (widow of said famous rich person is even better), video game tester, matress tester

Three Places You Want to Go on Vacation: Scotland, Ireland, West Texas

Three Kids' Names: Sean, Nathan, Romney

Three Things You Want to Do Before You Die: marry someone who treats me as an equal and loves me as a woman, own a new ford mustang, publish a book

Three People You Want to Take this Quiz: Jason, Jer, and Mike

Finally!

I have Adult ADD.

Actually, I was diagnosed with it about four years ago, but paid it little attention until recently. Adult ADD apparently has extremely negative and harmful effects on every aspect of an adult's life if left untreated. Looking back over this past year, I have finally come to realize just how severe my case of AADD is. I've gotten a handful of books on the subject, and intend on using every resource possible to cope with it. I don't have to live in this utter chaos anymore. I could cry I am so happy and relieved.

Music: Maroon 5 - Shiver
Mood: Relieved