Scars
*"I tear myself open, I sew myself shut..."
Why am I always the one ripping myself apart? I like myself more than this. Why am I always so hard on myself? I can remember almost every single negative thing people have said about me since I was 14, but I can remember maybe five or six complements. I keep trying to build myself up. I keep telling myself I'm a decent human being who makes her friends laugh occasionally and who tries so hard to be a good friend.
"My problem is, that I care too much..."
I keep trying to be the 'go to' friend for all my friends. I can't do that for all my friends. Heck, in all reality, I can't do that for most of my friends. I can only have maybe two or three people vent to me everyday. I probably have around 6. Now, I can handle Mike worrying that his character is doing something morally wrong. And I can handle Angela telling me that Hiram is a totally jackass for yelling at her. But that's it for today. No one else can yell at me, bitch to me, or otherwise upset me. I can only take so much "upsetting" before my blood pressure spikes and I have a heart attack and die. I care about and love all my friends so much, but I stopped taking time for myself. I need time to just be me, do some yoga, take a couple deep breaths, and say 'yeah, I care about me too'.
"Our scars remind us, that the past is real..."
Without the scars I bear, I don't know if I could convince myself that the hell I once lived in was real. The scars on my wrists, the scars in my mind, and the scars on my heart. I am amazed daily that the damned thing still beats with as many scars as there are criss-crossing it.
*The lyrics are from 'Scars' by Papa Roach
Music: The Servant - Cells
Mood: Stressed
Why am I always the one ripping myself apart? I like myself more than this. Why am I always so hard on myself? I can remember almost every single negative thing people have said about me since I was 14, but I can remember maybe five or six complements. I keep trying to build myself up. I keep telling myself I'm a decent human being who makes her friends laugh occasionally and who tries so hard to be a good friend.
"My problem is, that I care too much..."
I keep trying to be the 'go to' friend for all my friends. I can't do that for all my friends. Heck, in all reality, I can't do that for most of my friends. I can only have maybe two or three people vent to me everyday. I probably have around 6. Now, I can handle Mike worrying that his character is doing something morally wrong. And I can handle Angela telling me that Hiram is a totally jackass for yelling at her. But that's it for today. No one else can yell at me, bitch to me, or otherwise upset me. I can only take so much "upsetting" before my blood pressure spikes and I have a heart attack and die. I care about and love all my friends so much, but I stopped taking time for myself. I need time to just be me, do some yoga, take a couple deep breaths, and say 'yeah, I care about me too'.
"Our scars remind us, that the past is real..."
Without the scars I bear, I don't know if I could convince myself that the hell I once lived in was real. The scars on my wrists, the scars in my mind, and the scars on my heart. I am amazed daily that the damned thing still beats with as many scars as there are criss-crossing it.
*The lyrics are from 'Scars' by Papa Roach
Music: The Servant - Cells
Mood: Stressed
posted by Meredith @ 6:48 PM
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